Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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