having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
