I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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