I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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