Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
