We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
