New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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