Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
