I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
