Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
