All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
