I didn't shave. On purpose
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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