Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
