was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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