You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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