a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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