You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
