So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
