I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
