I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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