Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
