dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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