Plan B is the new Plan A
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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