People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your shirt... Was in my pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
