How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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