Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
