I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
