Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
