do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
