Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
