I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
