you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
