so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
