wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
