Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
