I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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