Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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