Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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