Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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