I'm eating all of the evidence.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
