im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
