Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
third nipple confirmed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
