how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
