omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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