I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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