my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
