Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
