3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
