giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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