I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
